Tough Decisions

I recently posted about my struggle with infertility and bringing some awareness into infertility as a whole.  I wasn’t going to do a follow up post, but I saw something on Facebook that kind of boiled my blood.

Let’s back up.  On my last post I discussed that I was seeing a fertility doctor and that we would soon learn the results of my blood work.  Well we did.  I still have Endometriosis of course, and I also have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome)  Not one, but two fertility disorders.

I was a little crushed.  Actually, I was sobbing in the car because the only way forward is to receive treatments which are about $1,200.  I don’t even have that saved up in my bank account!  I’m still paying off medical bills from my Endometriosis surgery in July, and other medical bills.   It seemed like a slap in the face.  A cruel joke from God or something.

I called my older sister who told me to stop looking at things like this as brick walls, and see them more as speed bumps.  It was hard, but I did.

Originally we were trying to figure out how to afford the treatments.  We thought we’d pay off our credit cards and then use those.  We started selling our books to Half Price Books, and were considering what valuable things we own that we could pawn.  Anything to put some cash into our savings account to be able to maybe afford one or two treatments.

But I’ve been feeling differently since my grandfather -in law died.  Shortly after that, his wife was whisked away to Florida where her daughter lives, and it looks like she will be living there permanently.  Our huge rush reason is gone.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I still want a baby so bad that it hurts.  But after my husband’s grandmother left, I felt this big weight lift off my shoulders.  I no longer have this feeling like I’m racing the clock against her disease.  The chances of her meeting our children have decreased so significantly because of the move.  While I still want her to meet our children, it really doesn’t look like a possibility at this point.

I’m also part of a Facebook group of women who are trying to conceive but are having trouble.  There were some posts about the treatment I was about to undergo that made me a little nervous.  Posts about feeling sick from the medications, and that treatments don’t always work.  I was told that this treatment will put me on roughly the same level playing field as someone without fertility issues.  Want to know what that percentage is?  15-20% per cycle.  And with my Endometriosis he says that I’d really only be at 8-12% without doing an IUI (insemination which is an extra $800)

I’m not in such a big rush to pump my body full of synthetic hormones just yet.  Especially not for that low of a percentage.  My body has never liked synthetic hormones, and they aren’t guaranteed to work.

Here is our big decision.  Wait a year while trying naturally.  I’ve read some books about homeopathic treatments for PCOS and discovered Cinnamon.  Sounds crazy right?  Check this out:

WebMD Article on Cinnamon

Cinnamon is a homeopathic treatment for Diabetes.  PCOS is often treated with Metformin ( a diabetes medication).  PCOS is an insulin insensitivity disorder.  Take cinnamon supplements, and regulate your insulin.  In turn the regulation of insulin will help the body produce the RIGHT hormones to trigger ovulation.  Makes sense to me!

I’m on a slew of vitamins and supplements now (prenatal multi vitamin, biotin, cinnamon, green tea extract, folic acid prescription, fish oil), we’ve started exercising, and we’re both eating healthy now.  I’m going to try this for a least 6 months before I complain about not seeing any results.

In the meantime, I will be saving my money like crazy in the event that this year doesn’t pan out with a positive pregnancy test.  If it does, then I’ll have some cash saved up for the down payment on a house one day to put that baby in!

On to the issue that irritated the crap out of me.  It happened on a Facebook  group I joined called Beg, Barter & Sell.  There are a ton of these, and they’re all region specific.

A woman with what looks like the same story posted a fundraiser there to help them raise money for the exact same treatments.  They aren’t cheap, and like I said, probably won’t always work the first time.  Her request was met with a lot of negativity.  That’s what pissed me off.   People were telling her that if she can’t afford this, she can’t afford kids period.  I’m sorry, but I don’t know what kid costs 1,200 up front all the time.  Yes kids are expensive, but you’re not constantly having to dole out that much to support them all up front.  These fertility treatments don’t operate on a payment plan or a bill.  You pay the whole amount at the time of treatment.

Then there were the people harassing this poor girl about why she wasn’t adopting, and that if she can’t have kids naturally, she should take it as a sign.  What the hell ever!

If God was trying to tell her that she can’t have kids, then he wouldn’t have made the doctors who created these treatments.   Just because you are having trouble conceiving on your own doesn’t mean you should totally give up on it.  While adopting a child is a noble thing, some of us want to have that experience of carrying our own child, and there is NOTHING wrong with that.  It does not make us selfish either.

I know with my own personal experience, that if I can’t get pregnant this year, I will try the treatments at least three times.  If it doesn’t work, then I will go the adoption route.  I will probably end up adopting a kid regardless.

I seriously considered doing one of these fundraiser to help me get the money to do the treatment right away.  But with the decision to wait a year, I changed my mind about it.


HOWEVER.  You can help someone else in the same situation.  Chloe Jones wants a baby just as bad as I do, and she doesn’t want to have to wait.  I don’t know her, but I can sympathize with her cause.  If you’ve never wanted a baby, you can’t understand what it feels like.  It’s an ache.  A painful ache that doesn’t go away.  It’s a pain that gets worse every time you see a friend with a child, a commercial depicting happy families, or when you pass by the baby aisle in the store.

Here is her fundraiser, if you want to donate.  I know I will.

Chloe Jones Fertility Treatment Fundraiser


6 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Justine Froelker
    May 24, 2014 @ 14:06:54

    The misunderstanding, judgments and invalidation from so many about infertility is so frustrating and shaming. I am trying everyday to educate, talk and break through this shamed silence. Thank you for this post! Justine


  2. sophiarahim
    May 24, 2014 @ 17:09:14

    Hi, please check out my blog, I’ve just written a post about endometriosis and what you can do to help and possibly overcome it as I did. I’m not selling anything, I’m just grateful for what I know and want to share it with others to help them.


  3. mindyminix
    May 24, 2014 @ 20:00:15

    Hi Lenora, I have PCOS as well. Metformin has been rough on my digestive tract, but it has definitely made losing weight a lot easier. It has taken me seven months to lose thirty-two pounds, and I’m not done, but I was only losing about three pounds a month until I finally caved and said yes to the metformin. I take cinnamon capsules as well. My fasting blood glucose at the beginning of this was arpund 115. Now it is at 85-90 every morning.

    Good luck to you!


  4. Trackback: Priorities | Lenora Howard


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