Bitter Like Coffee

The kind of coffee I like isn’t bitter.  I like my coffee with lots of milk and sugar.  A girl at work says that means I don’t like coffee.

But I’m bitter.

ABC's "Good Morning America" - 2013

Why should I be bitter?

Maybe it’s my family issues, wasting my degree doing something totally different, living in a one bedroom apartment instead of a house, having wanted kids for the past fiveish years and no kids, missing my husband’s family five hours away, drowning in work with no help in sight, or maybe its that nothing is really going on with my book and I’m not done editing the sequel.

It could be a number of things, but the point is that I REALIZED that I was bitter.  How did I come to this conclusion?

Meet Princess Golden Hair.  She will be represented by Giselle from the Disney movie, Enchanted.

enchanted3

Princess Golden Hair is on my FaceBook and completely embodies this fairytale princess.  She’s beautiful, and all of her posts are like rainbows spewed on my news feed.

“Had the best time with my in-laws today!  I am so blessed to have them!”

“I have the best job in the world!  I love it so much!”

“Look at these home made Christmas decorations I made with my mother in law!”

“I just want to say how much I love my wonderful husband!”

I have yet to see a single negative thing written on her Facebook.  She is just so freakin happy all the time.

She’s been changing her profile picture over and over for the past two years or so to various different photos from her wedding.   Each one is equally beautiful.

And each time she pops up on my news feed with her over abundance of adorable, I get irritated and pissed off.  I want to make some shitty comment like:

“I’m so glad your life is filled with rainbows.”  Or “Don’t we all wish we could have a life as perfect as yours?”

But why???

Why should I be angry that someone else is happy?  Because I’m insanely jealous of her perfect life?  Because I think it’s fake and she’s just as unhappy as me?  But that’s so messed up.

Jealousy is a bitchy monster.  I’m jealous of her beautiful face.  I’m jealous of her house.  I’m jealous of her super thin body.  I’m jealous of her perfect teaching job.  I need to snap the fuck out of it!  I am not her.  If I sit around wishing I was her, then I’m never going to get around focusing on shaping my life the way I want it.

I genuinely hope she IS that happy.  I need to stop with the pity party.  There are people literally starving to death while I’m sitting here all cozy under my comforter typing this.

I don’t know why we have this weird response ingrained in our brains to be bitter about the things we don’t have.  People keep telling me that the things I want will come when they’re supposed to, but that literally does nothing to make me feel better.  I appreciate their gesture, but it doesn’t help.

I need to learn to be patient.   A lot.  That’s something that I need to work on as a person, and no one but me can help me with that.  Don’t know how I’m going to achieve that since I’m literally the most impatient person in the world, but I think I need to make a huge effort to try.  And I need to be happy for those who are happy.

If this sounds like you, then I feel you but we need to chill out.

End rant.

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