Why Shopping Steals My Soul

I have curves.  There’s no denying it.  I have wide hips, an hourglass figure, and a round booty.  If this sounds like you, then you understand.  If you’re not a stick, shopping for clothes these days is a PROBLEM.

Now first off.  I’m a size 12, so I don’t technically fall into the “plus size” category in most stores, but therein lies the problem.    Clothes that are in the regular section are not made for my curvy figure.  I’m literally in clothing LIMBO.   I would love to put on some of the adorable clothes at Lane Bryant, but their size 12 is just too large for me.  When I was a 14, I could fit into a Lane Bryant 12.

Another thing I want to point out.  I do not judge sizes.  I HATE “fat shaming”.  As noted in one of my first posts Food and Other Drugs, I think all sizes are beautiful.

So I despise shopping.  There are too many people, too much noise, and waaaaay too much crap to look at.  For me, shopping is like a sensory overload.  I hate it.

But you can’t always shop online with a figure like mine.  Things that look awesome on the internet model will look awful on me.  But I hate shopping, so I will wait until I have holes in my clothes before I dare to step into a mall.

So I went to the mall yesterday with my sister to find a dress.  I’m about to attend two weddings this week, and I want to look good!  Some of the people at the second wedding haven’t seen me since high school, and I don’t want them to look at me and think “Dang!  She’s doubled in size!” (which I literally have since 8 years ago in high school)  So I decided to go with a tasteful “little black dress”.  That shouldn’t be too hard right?  WRONG.

I got the feeling like I was stepping into Dante’s Inferno instead of a mall.  Here is a pie chart that I created this morning to depict the problems I have when shopping for clothes.

Real problems

What is WRONG with designers these days?  Half the crap I find are so freakin skanky, I want to slap any stupid woman who buys it and send her to a monastery to get some JESUS!  What disturbs me more, is that I’m finding the majority of these clothes while walking by the Juniors section.  Why do we want our younglings to look like sluts again?  Someone remind me.

The majority of the shirts I find are see-through!!!  Who wears see-through shirts?!  And what is the purpose of buying an article of clothing that you will have to purchase a second article of clothing in order to wear?  I don’t understand this.

index

So then I find another problem.  The clothes that I like 9 times out of 10 are either a size small, or are so expensive they aren’t even cute anymore.   I got from being like:

Yay!!!  This is so cute…wait…okay…small…small…small…small….extra small…

I will destroy everyone.

And it continues throughout every store I go to.  I quickly morph into a troll and lose any ability to filter my language.  Everything cute is a small.  Everything that fits is out of any normal persons budget.

I found this dress I liked for work and the check out line just happened to be in the Plus Sized section.  The woman checking everyone out was this paper thin older woman.  She later decided that it was appropriate to say,

“I can’t wear plus sizes.  I’m too small for that.  I have to wear juniors.”  I felt my sister’s foot kick mine and she walked away.  I stood there stone faced until the lady finished ringing me up and as we walked away, I couldn’t even control myself.  I shouted,

“Good for f*ckin you!  Don’t we all wish we could fit into the juniooooors clothes?!  Nobody cares!” and didn’t even bother to look back at her.

Why is it that some people who are super thin feel like they need to point out how thin they are, like it’s a goal that I should want to accomplish.  Our bodies are built SO differently.  I could NEVER be a size zero.  Even with surgery.  My body has been wide my whole life.

Yes, I wish I was thinner.  No, I do not want to be a skeleton.  My desired clothing size would be a 10.  I eat healthy.  I occasionally work out.  I should probably exercise more.  I don’t care if you’re a twig that thinks everyone else should be too.  Keep your insecurities to yourself.

We finally found a black dress for me to wear that’s flattering so I think I’ll be happy, but by the time we were leaving I was actually shouting.  I couldn’t find the stupid entrance that we came in at, and I was starting to panic out of pure rage.  (I should have remembered since it was the only entrance with a freakin DJ!  Apparently it was Macy’s 1 Day Sale and they need a DJ for that.)  Everyone was walking so slow, it was hot, it smelled like a combination of terrible perfume and B.O.  I didn’t even shed a thought towards volume control.

“I’M IN HELL!”  “I NEED AN ADULT!”  “GET ME OUT OF HERE!”

In short.  I will probably avoid the mall for a long time.  If I don’t go shopping again for clothes for years it will be too soon.  I hate shopping.  I hate clothes.  I hate designers that don’t make clothes for the average person who is my size.  rawr.

End rant.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Teeny Bikini
    Nov 19, 2013 @ 01:32:23

    Shopping with a womanly body is a chore. I totally get it. I have massive boobies, smaller waist, not so much of a butt, but curvy thighs. If I pick the perfect outfit it rocks my hourglass figure – but the trick is finding it. Otherwise, things get messy and fast. And I need a small miracle to find jeans that rock. I think – if I cared enough – I should have my clothes tailored to fit my shape, but who has the time…

    Reply

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