A Formal Feline Complaint

Dear Overbearing Human,

I just want to drink water.  A simple request if you will.  I’m not asking for much here, and I thought if I pointed out your actions, you may discover how foolish you look.

I do not appreciate it when you harass me while I sit atop the mantle on the fireplace and drink the water from the fish bowl containing the Marimo ball.  It adds a certain…flavor if you will?  I like this algae flavored water far more than the others but you refuse to let me drink it when you are home, to the point of plucking me from my perch in frustration.  I can, In fact hear you shouting for me to get down.  I was simply ignoring your heinous request.  You are most controlling.

I tried in vein to plead with you to leave the sink on when not in use by you, but you abruptly refused.  You even had the audacity to remove me from the sink as well.  I demand equality in my household, and I will continue to breach the sink every time you enter the bathroom in protest!  Every.  Time.  I will also walk on your make up while I’m up there.

You also seem to have a problem with sharing.  You get angry when I drink from your own glass.  I’ve lived with you for fourteen years, and you still refuse that simple request?  Do you realize how hard it is to shove your face down into a cup?  You obviously have no respect for my commitment.

I’ve also noticed your sensitivity to me drinking the water from the tub faucet when the bathtub is not in use.  I take a little credit for this as I have urinated in there several times, evoking anger from you.  I could see how you thought I may be about to urinate, but I promise those days are over!  For now…

Why not drink from my water bowl you ask?  Because the fat one and the ditzy one drink from it as well, and I don’t like them.  I’ve made this evident by slapping them publicly when pass me.  You have yet to notice it seems.  In desperation to avoid dehydration I have been forced to share their filth water with them.  I’ve done the only thing that seems hygienic, which of course is dipping my paw in the water and vigorously splashing the germs away before licking it off.  Not only am I wetting the wall, and creating puddles on the floor on a daily basis, but I am thoroughly disgusted.  There must be a better way.

Do you see the ridiculous lengths I have to go to?  All I ask is for a simple drink of water.  I hope, you read this and reconsider your actions in our household.



Leave the sink on today and all will be forgiven.  Do not, and I may have to pee on the floor in front of the liter box again in further protest.  We will see who wins this battle of wills.

P.P.S.I have nine lives.



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