Motivation

I am a procrastinator at heart.  To be honest I’m extremely lazy by a fault.  If it were up to me I wouldn’t work at all, I’d spend every day sitting in my pajamas, and I’d do nothing but watch TV.  It’s hard for me to want to do something, and for the longest time I would talk about the book I just published.  For six years in fact I “talked” about finishing it, polishing it, and publishing it.  I hadn’t actually DONE anything with it.  My husband and I would talk about the day we became rich off of my novels and what we would do but I knew that the day would never come.  I needed some motivation.  I needed to want to write my books.  I needed something to push me to do it.  I basically became content with not doing it.  The way a chubby girl (like me) who enjoys cupcakes is content to eat them and work out occasionally to stay the same size but doesn’t want to put forth the hard work it takes to get healthy.
And then one day I unexpectedly got my motivation.  I remember seeing on an old friend of mine’s Facebook post that she’d been sick but was feeling better.  Facebook is strange in a sense, that I can go for months without talking to a friend and then by the click of a button to “like” their status I’ve somehow communicated with them.  I picked up my phone and almost called her.  I stared at the name for a long time before finally putting it back down on the couch and turning on the TV.  But for some reason I didn’t because I thought that since I hadn’t actually spoken to her in years and had merely liked her status’ that it would be weird to call her up.  I regret that.  I wish that I had called her.

A week later she was killed in a car accident.  She left behind a loving family, a heartbroken boyfriend, and two young boys.  I was flabbergasted.  Not by the fact that I’d known her.  She’s not the first person I’ve known my age to pass away so young.  I’ve known two suicides but this was far different.  I couldn’t believe that someone with such a wonderful family and a bright future could be gone in an instant.  Blown out like a matchstick.  I went to her funeral with a high school friend, and I mourned for her family.  My heart ached for them, and the life they would have to get used to without her.  I watched her mother break down in the middle of a song at the funeral, but in the midst of her weeping she raised her hands high and worshiped God.  It was a terrible and beautiful sight to see.  I wept for her.  In my eyes she was Job; her whole world was turned upside down, her daughter stolen from her, and her grandchildren were suddenly motherless.  Even through that horrible tragedy she praised Him without measure.  It astounded me.

On the way home I spoke quietly to my friend about the people who had shown up, but the entire time several thoughts rang through my mind.  I am not immortal.  I am fragile.  Life is short.  God doesn’t spare those who love him the most.  He doesn’t take sides.  We are all eligible for death at any time.  Why am I wasting time?

When I got home I found a photo of her from a trip to Costa Rica.  I stuck it on the wall as a reminder and then I began writing.  I’ve been writing almost every day since then, and that was over a year ago.
No one but me can be my motivation.  Only I can make the dreams into a reality.  It’s sad to me that I had to witness a tragedy to realize it, but it sure was a wake up call.  I want her family to know that they were an inspiration to me in the midst of their grief.  That they could see the good in all of it even though it seemed that there was only darkness and sorrow.  I wish she knew the impact her death has made on my life.  I can’t say thank you really because I wish none of it had happened to her or her family.  This isn’t for sympathy.  I barely knew her.  This is a wake up call.  If you haven’t had yours yet, and you’re trudging around in the middle of procrastination complaining that you “want” to do things that are important to you, please stop.  DO that thing.  Don’t make it a New Year’s resolution.  DO IT.  Start that novel, lose that weight, begin your new business or restaurant, or whatever it is that you want to do.  Don’t wait any longer.  I sometimes wonder what things that she wanted to do with the rest of her life that she didn’t get the chance to.  But I often think that she was probably already doing them.  I hope I don’t ever forget the lesson that this taught me.

Rest in peace Chelsey Majors.

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